Why does it have to end this way?

It all started magical. With emotions skyrocketing like balloons left loose and affections exploding in the air like fireworks at New Year's eve. I was not really sure, though, if it was mutually felt or it was just a product of my imagination. My unconscious efforts to divert my attention off myself and my unconsummated love for my children's father. Our love has faded with the back to back betrayal of trust and broken intimacy due to being far apart from each other, proximity and communication wise. I wouldn't discount the fact that you also started it. You were flirting with me but you didn't have the balls to sustain it to the end.

At this point, I would like to do away with all the signs that I just concocted out of my desire to be loved by you. If you were the person that I thought you were, you wouldn't be doing this to me now. You wouldn't be treating me ill. Should I discount the possibility that you are also just covering up your true side because you are afraid of being rejected or getting hurt? Are you just protecting yourself from the inevitable disgrace if you succumb to the feelings?

Whatever the real score is, it really hurts me deep inside. I am now regretting the fact that I let myself fall again and have put all the hurt upon myself. I know that it's futile knowing what you really felt for me. Was it a genuine connection or plain game playing with the opposite sex? I would say it's the latter.

You could be enjoying preying on naive women's vulnerability, at the expense of their own emotional downfall. Nonetheless, you have just lost a supporter. I wouldn't buy any of your impressionistic efforts anymore. They're all plain crap to me now. I was fooled and my trust was betrayed. All you care about is elevating yourself up high without any care for the people who've helped you up. You take all the credit and you do not trust other people's capacity.

It was a major turn off, I should say. You are even a better jerk than all of the disgusting men that I've met combined. You do not deserve all the admiration and care, at all, for all you know.

I guess the best defense against your type of species is to withdraw all attention. I would still be working to the fullest but I wouldn't trust your instincts now. You haven't even proven anything worthy to be emulated. You go by the book but you don't accomplish anything. You are pathetic and you are the meanest person I have ever met all my life.

An Open Letter to Dale

Dear Dale,

Hope you're doing okay as you read this email.

I am overwhelmed by this strong feeling and I know that the best way to let it out is to send the message directly to you. I know myself well and I know that it will soon die but I just can't let this opportunity to pass me by and this thing left unsaid. I had been suffering with this strong and passionate feelings I have for you. To be honest, the first time I saw you, I did not feel anything. It was when we started engaging and talking and perhaps when we started thinking out our boo boos when I started noticing you. I guess it's because I felt the connection with you while we were sharing and we were both consoling each other. You have set the benchmark. I realized that I want to live my remaining life with someone like you. Compassionate, witty, thorough but sweet. I believe I love you already. But now you don't wanna talk to me. You are limiting your interactions with me. I guess you would like to shield me from the hurt because you can't give anything more but your professionalism. I would like to set conditions of satisfaction with you. I love my job, despite all the ambiguities and challenges. I love it because I am able to learn new things and meet new people and help them out with their businesses. I understand pretty well that you are married and you love your family. I am not here to ruin what you have. I am here to just get to know you a little more. I wish I could be with you even for an hour or so. You surely drive me crazy but if you could think of me as a patient/sufferer that you could help get cured or get freed, why not. I promise I would take your answers as they are. I just want to have a smooth relationship with you, being my company's client. Can we be friends now please. I love you so much.

Life's Lessons

Now what? I've been living for almost 4 decades now. Can I say that I am fulfilled? Do I have reasons to celebrate my accomplishments? Family wise and relationship wise: I sucked. I burned almost all the bridges. Career wise, so so. It's true, IQ gets one hired, EQ gets him promoted. Financially wise, just okay, though. At least I already have a house, although I am still amortizing it. I have two kids and they are generally healthy. I can send them to school. I have a computer. I can write my thoughts. I have a job. If there was one lesson that I want to master and learn from, looking back, it would be to think of the consequences of my actions in the perspective of eternity. I had been prioritizing my feelings for the longest time, without regard to other people. I had stumbled twice. I shouldn't repeat it the third time. I will be very very careful. I will be upright from this point on. No more compromises. No more gray areas. Let be black be black and white be white. It's never too late. I can still make amends. Just make do with what I have. It should start within myself. First things first. My spirituality should be fixed and my actions should be re aligned with my beliefs. Follow the golden rule even if others do not give a damn. Put my feet on the other person's shoes. Dale has a wife. I need to back off now. Respect other people's right. Do not trespass other people's properties. Be a good citizen, the best mother, the best employee and a good child of God. There's no more time belittling myself and putting blame on myself and other people. I did all those silly things because I was very aggressive and I lacked wisdom. It's never too late to start a good life. I will obey now, Lord. Take my life. Take this mess. Make me your instrument of love and help me forgive myself and move on. Take me from the pit of self pity and rejection. I want to be transformed. Take me to your side now. Thank you for being a Sovereign God. Thank you for the realization. Thank you for helping me out.

What to do if you're stuck in infatuation

What to Do if You're Stuck in Infatuation

by Sarah Paul, original author of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"

You've got hearts drawn all over your notebook with both your names inside. You've already thought about what your children would look like and picked out their names. You know the exact model of the car he drives and know the shirts he wears by heart. But there's one catch: he doesn't even know your name.

Welcome to the world of infatuation.

Infatuation, quite simply, is being stuck on someone. Some people mistake it for love, and they move from relationship to relationship as soon as their infatuation with a person wanes.

Infatuation is not a bad thing in and of itself, but it should only be temporary. Infatuation is a stage ... it should NOT be a condition. If you stay infatuated too long, you can find that your infatuation will begin to affect your life in negative ways.

How to Know if You Are Infatuated

You felt a passionate desire to be with the person with whom you are infatuated.
You experience the "High and Low" syndrome: mood swings depending on how the person you are infatuated with responds.
You find yourself daydreaming about him.
You feel a hungry feeling when you are away from him.
You feel incomplete and lonely when he is far away.
You need constant reassurance from him.
Your life becomes focused on him. You may even change your life to accommodate him.
You live in constant fear of rejection or abandonment.
You feel a deep need for your feelings to be returned by him.
If you feel like you have been down this path before, you know how it ends. Either you confront the guy you like with your feelings and face his possible rejection, or you wither away with your unresolved feelings until you can't stand it anymore and take steps to avoid seeing him anymore.

Don't worry if you easily become infatuated. You get to experience the highs that many other more sensible people don't get to experience. You make guys feel special (few guys admit how flattered they feel when a member of the opposite sex is infatuated with them), and men will find themselves attracted to you due to your genuine enjoyment of their company. However, you may also find yourself moving ceaselessly from one guy to another, seeking to maintain that high. Don't let the need for infatuation blind you to the benefits of quieter, deeper, more enduring love.

When the intensity of infatuation naturally fades, your emotions will dampen down. You may feel as if you have fallen out of love. Rest assured, you haven't ... you've just fallen out of infatuation. The best part is ahead. Now you will be more realistic about what you and the guy you like have to offer one another. You'll begin to develop deeper intimacy based on respect and understanding of the other person. You may discover that the solid ground of a loving relationship is better than the high and insecurity of dating the object of your infatuation for the first time.

If you are stuck in infatuation, remember these tips.

Five Tips to Deal with Infatuation

Infatuation is just a stage, NOT a condition.
Move on. If you've continually made yourself available for the guy to ask you out, and he hasn't yet, move on. If he liked you, he would have asked you out already. It may be hard to face, but in 9 out of 10 cases it is true.
Infatuation can be a fun rollercoaster ride, but the ultimate goal is still ahead: enduring, deep romantic love.
Infatuation wears blinkers. A healthy dose of reality about the guy you are infatuated with can go a long way in curing you ... or giving you the courage you need to be noticed by him.
Don't do anything you'll later regret. Infatuation can be an intoxication. You may feel as if you'll go to any lengths to win the object of your infatuation. Take a moment to remember the cardinal rule of dating: men like the challenge of pursuit. If you are available for the taking, he won't be interested.

I need a breather

It is starting to get the best out of me. I am now feeling pity for myself to say the least. I have to come to terms with reality. This guy is not interested in me. How could he be? He has a good life. He doesn't need someone like me. It hurts to know that no one really cares for me. But it's okay. I do not need anyone to be happy. All i need to do now is to enjoy. A little rest and unwinding will do. I need to prepare and equip myself lest I might fall again the next time he comes around. I would like to limit my interaction with him. I'm not even sure if he treats me like a friend. He's just being cordial. That's all he could offer. My job is suffering now because I am biased and I can't function well. What does this man have that he turned my whole world upside down. I need to divert my attention to something else. I'll enjoy solitude for now. It's just infatuation, nothing more nothing less. I can survive this phase. I can rise up and be well again. No need to hurry. Just little baby steps would do. To start with, I won't take a look at his pictures. I will do the things that I enjoy. Gotta find a cure for this aching heart. It's okay. The Lord might have let you meet him so you could forget about Tony. It's just a mindset. Stop rationalizing. It's a natural thing to be infatuated. But it's a terrible thing to sulk and wallow down in pity and sadness. Just let it go. It's not worth it anyways.

On being candid

Whoever said being candid is distasteful. What if it would alleviate the heavy burden that your heart is carrying. I just did the inevitable. I sent him a message and wished him a happy and safe trip. That's way overboard already but what the heck. I can't seem to get him off my head. How long will this last? I am really in love with this guy although he's not paying attention to me. It might even cause me my job. But I am still hoping that he is mature enough to handle my qualms. I know that he knows it real well. I've been very good at giving out clues. But what's hurting me most is that he is just not buying the idea. I always get a cold shrug off his shoulder. But deep inside I know that he also feels something but he's just way too professional and such a perfect gentleman to avoid the topic and be business-like all through out. I pray that this strong emotions subside in two weeks time and when he's back, I won't have to suffer anymore. I wanna be healed, if love is a disease then I wanna take a pill and get it off my system.

Pure Attraction versus Real Interest

The laws of human attraction are complex and require a profound understanding of human physiology. With all the different variables and assumptions about attraction, men and women alike often get them confused. And while some signs of human physical attraction and genuine interest can co-exist; women more often then men, most agree, get human physical attraction confused with genuine interest and a world of complication is created.

Study these 5 distinctive signs that can tell you the type of physical attraction you're dealing with on your next date. And before you start daydreaming about him being "the one"; consider whether the reasons for your attraction to him is purely physical or possibly something more. Remember, physical attraction goes both ways; male and female. And it isn't a bad thing, unless it causes you to make decisions and develop expectations that simply have no basis.

Body Language - His body language will reveal a genuine interest or a physical attraction. Did you know that over 90 percent of human communication is done via non-verbal body language? Interestingly enough that only leaves 7-10 percent verbal communication, watch what he does and how he says whatever he says. Pay only 10% attention to the words!

Check out how his body language tells his intentions. If his body truck or torso faces yours squared his interest is genuine. If is body truck is facing another direction or hunched over you then he's physically attracted to you but that's about it.

Another sign of physical attraction found in body language when he constantly intrudes on your personal space, gets in your face, stares in a provocative manner or touches your body for any reason.

When he invades your personal space without an invitation, it only means one thing; he's physically attracted to you and not really caring if you reciprocate or not. On the other hand if he respects your physical space then it is more than likely his interest is genuine. At mnimum he is patient and willing to consider your level of interest.

Communication with the Eyes- Eye contact and prolonged communication is an obvious sign of physical attraction. And it can be a part of the body's attempt to communicate true interest or pure lust. When a man provides you with that social stare that doesn't wander further than one eye to the other and glances off quickly; he's not physically attracted to you. But if you get that sensual stare that slowly scans your entire body with lengthy pauses geared toward specific attributes; he's probably not even trying to hide that he is physically attracted.

Grooming Behaviors - Genuinely when a man is interested in you he will display an obsession with his own appearance. He may constantly check his hair and teeth and tidy or touch his tie or hair, his ear or hat. You can be sure he's trying to make him self more impressionable and attractive to you. This is a typical sign of human physical attraction in men and women. However a man that who is more laid back and confident won't show so much concern in his own appearance although he may show attention to yours.

His feet - If you're having a problem telling with body language, eye contact and grooming habits what kind of attraction he feels, then try taking a look at his feet when standing or at the angle of his legs if he's sitting.

The direction his foot is pointing tells you a lot. If his feet are pointing in your direction, when standing, he's genuinely interested. This has the same meaning when he crosses his leg toward you if sitting. But if he sits facing you with his legs gapped open or if his feet are facing away from you, big red sign he's simply physically interested and calculating how far that might get him.

Verbal Communication - men often have trouble saying what they mean and meaning what they say; therefore grasping a few hidden verbal signs of interest is important. With internet dating and chat sites, most often women meet men online therefore there's no physical contact to detect hese more subtle signs.

But if during the course of the first few times you speak to him, you discover he has a tendency to avoid questions with questions, pauses before answering, and relentlessly pushes to meet you in person, his interest is based on physical attractiveness of probably a sexual nature.

And another huge warning sign he's all about the physical connection and nothing else is found in his chosen topics of discussion. If the conversation involves a large number of innuendo's in a graphic or sexual tone then he's only physically interested. So don't expect to marry this one. That is unless that's your type and in that case "good luck".

The laws of human physical attraction are vast and cover a number of physiological behaviors, some obvious and some hidden. Protect yourself against unnecessary dating drama and save yourself some time by being able to tell right away if he is into you. Arm yourself with knowledge ahead of time and know how to communicate your interest if he's only demonstrating signs of pure physical attraction.